


You'll find something waiting

by falloutboiruto



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Developing Friendships, Gen, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 23:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20515148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutboiruto/pseuds/falloutboiruto
Summary: The changing tides caused her to drown.





	You'll find something waiting

**Author's Note:**

> SO ABOUT THAT MOVIE....
> 
> this fanfic is based on events of the movie and is thus spoilery. it's also very much inspired by a fanvid by youtuber MKatwood(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ydP49s5BDc) which made me cry so much and made me decide to write this. it also interprets spinel as having severe bpd and thus she might do and think things that aren't advisable to do irl(but i think that she does way worse in canon than in this fic, honestly).
> 
> title from the song everything stays from the adventure time OST

Waiting for Pink to come back for six thousand years to no avail would surely change most gems (not that Spinel even knew any other gems than _her, _and not that Spinel was even counting the years, months, days, _seconds_). When the silence finally ended and she was greeted with this short, puny message from Pink Diamond’s son not even addressing her personally, _nothing_, something vital inside her snapped, and the changing tides caused her to drown.

*

Spinel was so caught up in her all-consuming rage that every inch of her body felt like it was brimming with it. Like six thousand’s years’ worth of buildup had suddenly come surging through her all at once. Being reset helped for a while, she understood later on, but as she regained her memories it was only a matter of time before she relapsed.

*

Hating Steven was easier than hating herself. It was easier to punch him than to punch herself (although she did plenty of both). But he just kept on pushing with his sweetness and gentle tries to understand her, how utterly disgusting, so when she eventually burnt herself out and calmed down some part of her wanted to at least try being friends with him. But the gaping wound the anger left was replaced by guilt so strong that she couldn’t even bring herself to look at him. That’s when the Diamond Authority arrived like knights in shining armor, and maybe, just maybe-Spinel could get a fresh start.

*

Being the court jester was all Spinel could ever hope for. She got attention, lots of it, but something still brimmed inside her. Fear of screwing everything up again.

One night after countless nights of agonizing, she called Steven. He answered directly and he looked older, how many earth years had passed since they’d last spoken to each other?

“Spinel! What a surprise, how’s it going?” Steven said, sounding happy of all things to talk to her. How dared he, after everything she had done to him?

“I’m scared.”

“Wait, of what? Is there something going on?”

“No, I mean… I’m sorry for calling you like this, you probably don’t even want to talk to me, but I’m just really scared of relapsing.”

Steven winced. Ugh, it was so unfair of Spinel to treat him like her therapist. She shouldn't even have called in the first place-

"I do want to talk to you," Steven said, carefully. "I just want to know if you're happier now. If something is troubling you, I want to help you."

“But I don’t deserve it.”

“Um, well, _I_ think you do. But it kind of sounds like you don’t need to hear that from me, because I have already told you that several times. And now you come to me out of nowhere, so long after what happened took place that I’ve already completely forgiven you years ago, talking about how you’re beyond help. It’s not very fair to me either, you know.”

Spinel stayed quiet for a beat.

“I guess I should forgive myself too,” she said, finally.

“_Yes_! Yes, absolutely,” Steven said. “Now, if you want to be friends I’d love that. So, what are the Diamonds up to these days?”

The Diamond Authority was actually really into Spinel's juggling tricks these days. She told Steven all about it, and they ended up having a lot of fun. Maybe this was what Spinel should focus on, and not her past.

*

Escaping the strong currents of the sea of hurt Spinel had been struggling in for so long had felt impossible, but suddenly every last one of her panicked swim strokes felt lighter and lighter. She managed to resurface and could see clearly how beautiful the world around her was. Things had changed, but maybe for the better. It was up to her to decide.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave me kudos and comments if u like dis


End file.
